I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
