I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
