sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
