Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
