moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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