Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
