I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
