before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
