im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
