I will die if light touches me.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
