so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
