do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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