sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
