So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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