I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So squirting runs in the family.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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