Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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