capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
