dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
