If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
