she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the condom got lost in my hair
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
