i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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