She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a burrito and a hug.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize