I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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