.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
