she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
