I didn't shave. On purpose
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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