I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
