I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
