i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
