yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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