There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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