based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
