The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
