I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
