He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
