i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
