i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
