Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
