I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I want her autograph on my taint
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
