im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
