The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
