i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
