I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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