i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
