My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
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I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
how drunk are you?
Several
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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