I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
