4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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