you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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