just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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