she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
