You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
