it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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