she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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