hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
