My sheets look like a crime scene.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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