I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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