Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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