What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
