he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
