I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Small penises have feelings too.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
as a side note pls kill me
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
