Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
