How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
