It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
