i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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