OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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