Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
