Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think I won the penis lottery.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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