Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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