Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
