her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I cockslap morals
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
