If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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