Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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