Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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