it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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