Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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