Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
