Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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