I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
