If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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