i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
