rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
